Last weekend we had houseguests, and I was delighted to learn that the female half was a newbie knitter like me. (We oohed and aahed over Mason-Dixon Knitting, esp. the mitered square blanket and the bathmat.) She, like most newbies (myself included) declared a passion and yet a huge fear to knit socks. So I was very, very excited to teach her the only way I know how to make them: toe-up with a figure eight cast-on and a sherman heel, using two circulars. To me this seems like the easiest way to go about it rather than on dpns, but to her, it looked like a huge f’in mess. And really, at first glance, it does. There are needle ends everywhere and the weirdest way to cast on (although the Turkist looks even stranger, but I want to try that one next!) with this funky loose end hanging. But it avoids so very much (grafting! running out of yarn!) that even in my ignorance of not even having experience any other way, I have declared my way superior. (Hey, after my continual bellyaching of “poor me” I believe that finding some things superior in my life do my psyche a favor, even if I am a whining poop these days. After all, I could live in Pakistan or Israel or Lebanon or Iraq or Darfur, etc. So I am trying to move on already. I don’t have it so bad. But let me tell you, offering me another early class for the third year running knowing I commute a half hour and have two school-age kids? Well a certain academic office can F OFF.)

And then I thought to myself, how fun would it be to put together a little tutorial, since of course, no one else on the web has done it. (HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is how I learn everything.) So I did. And it is the worst one out there.

In sum, here’s how to put together a very bad tutorial:

• Take pics in extremely bad lighting
• Use metal needles so that the flash reflects and obscures photo
• Have cat hair sticking out of your bandaid, which is no less than a child’s version
• Don’t shower that day (hey, it was Sunday and that day is hygiene-optional) and discover later that the chocolate chips you ate straight out of the bag may have left some residue under the nail
• Realize all this and keep going anyway

So, without further ado, I give you my little figure 8 cast on tutorial. Hehe

First, notice the cat hair – nice. Okay, second: Take two circular needles and lay them next to each other, like two pieces of spaghetti. You’ll cast on using the needle tips on the right end of the needles. Line the needle tips up, and making sure the yarn tail is hanging to the left (so the yarn by my fingers is the yarn tail), draw the yarn between the two needles. Then, take the working end of the yarn and go over the top needle.

Since you’re holding the needle tips with your left hand, I find it helps to hold the yarn tail with that same hand. Helps keep control of this business.

The working end is over the top needle, right? Now bring it back between the two needles. Next, bring it over the bottom needle. You’re essentially weaving the yarn between the needles, over the top, between the needles, over the bottom… Makes a little… figure eight. Huh. How about that!

Remember, the needle tips are from two different needles – just the same ends of each needle.

Keep doing this until you have X number of loops on both the top and bottom. I don’t have very pointy feet, so I like a rounded toe. Therefore, I use 14 loops on bottom and top when using fingering weight, and about 10 for thicker yarn.

It should look like this:

Yep, cat hair is still there. The working yarn should end by going over the BOTTOM needle, and then you hold it behind both needles. No more weaving through and over – go over the bottom needle, and pull it semi-taut behind the needle tips. The next photo shows you more of how it should it look.

Now, pull the bottom needle tip out until the stitches on the bottom are resting on the cable. You’ve got metal needle tip holding top stitches, cable on bottom. (Another way to do a bad tutorial – don’t take a pic of this step.)

It’s time to start knitting. Grab the other end of the TOP needle and hold the working yarn with your throwing hand, making sure the yarn is still behind the needles – just like it is for a normal stitch stitch. Tip: hold the yarn tail (which is a bit loose) with your other hand that’s also holding the needles. It doesn’t matter how, just as long the yarn tail hasn’t come free. You just want to control it. This is the worst photo EVER:

But it does show me ready to knit the first stitch. Now, just … knit across that top row of stitches like you would normally. When you’re at the end, it should look like this:

That damn cat hair is still there.

Next, slide the top needle out so that the TOP stitches are on the cable. Slide the bottom needle until the bottom stitches are resting on the tip, draw up the other tip of the SAME needle, and get ready to knit the bottom. The yarn is coming off the stitches on the TOP needle. (Check out knittinghelp.com for how to knit in the round using two circs). You’re going to do the same thing – knit across the stitches – but instead, KNIT THROUGH THE BACK LOOP, like this:

This is so your sts on this side aren’t twisted. Damn that pic is BAD. For the first few stitches, hold onto that yarn tail with your non-throwing hand until it’s secure. I dont have a problem with overly loose sts this way.

Keep knitting (through the back loop) those sts until the end, and you are now officially cast on. From here on, you are knitting in the round normally – nothing through the back loop, unless your pattern specifies, etc. Increase as you see fit. I increase 4 sts every other round like this: k1, kfb, k to 2 sts left, kfb, k1; do the same on the next needle. The next round I knit normal, and then increase… I do this until it’s almost as wide as my foot. The beauty is, you can try it on as you go. Love, love, love it.

Here’s what my toes look like – I call it a “toe braid”:

Okay, I find this embarrassing that I did this, but what the hell. At least it might be good for a teeny little snicker before you search for a clearer version of this.